The messages tend to arrive first thing in the morning, which tells me my friends are texting before bed.

“Hey. What kind of visa did you apply for? Can we schedule time to chat tomorrow?

“Sure,” I reply. “Nine a.m. your time, 5 p.m. mine?”

After losing nearly everything in the Great Recession–my job and car, our apartment and savings–my future husband and I moved into a converted cargo van and became “economic migrants.” Since then we’ve slowly traveled through 25 countries, supporting ourselves with a small online business selling outdoor recreation equipment. Today we live in a house in Spain with our 12-year-old daughter.

Which is to say I’m used to fielding questions about living abroad. But lately I’ve noticed less whimsy and more urgency on these calls. My friends haven’t had a vacation since before the pandemic. They’re worried about health-care cuts and rising insurance premiums. They’ll never save enough for a down payment, or they mortgaged their home to help their kids through college, but now the kids can’t find jobs.

In other words they’re losing their grip on whatever was left of the American dream.

And they’re not alone. A survey Harris Poll released in 2025 found that about four in 10 Americans have considered emigrating or plan to do so, a concerning data point that is reflected on social media. A quick search turns up countless YouTube channels and TikTok videos of happy-go-lucky transplants sipping cava at tapas bars on cobblestone streets, promising that you, too, can live your best life for 1,000 euros a month. But, of course, the real cost-benefit analysis is much more nuanced. Besides, I know my friends aren’t just asking about the price of eggs or where to get the best paella. They’re asking for empathy and hope, and trust I can give both because for many years I, too, struggled in survival mode.

After moving to Spain in the fall of 2016, my family and I found the American dream. But here’s the rub: We almost didn’t recognize it.

Like most young people of my generation, I was taught that with enough hard work, anyone could bootstrap their way up to a McMansion and an S-Class—except that ’80s version didn’t manifest for me (or millions of others). In Spain what we’ve found instead is a middle-class life where many of the stressors that plague our friends are less of a concern.